(opening theme playing)
(zapping)
This is going to be the greatest achievement of my life!
(video game beeping)
Beast boy, emergency. No time to explain.
Come on, get the car! Gotta go!
(beeping)
(engine revving)
What's the emergency?
Got a monster to deal with.
(tires screeching)
A monster case of the munchies.
Cheeseburger, fries, milk shake, and a small side salad, stat.
Woman over pa: (distorted)
(computer beeping)
Man, these back-ups seem like they take longer every week.
(door slams)
Cyborg, emergency.
No time to explain.
Come on, get in the car! We gotta go!
(computer beeping)
Check it out, dog simulator 2000.
(clattering)
(munching)
You cannot eat the berry, silkie.
They are bad for you.
Yes, they are.
-Oh, yes, they are. -(silkie chuckling)
(glass shattering)
Starfire, emergency.
No time to explain. Come on, get the car! We gotta go!
(gulping)
(engine revving)
Robin: Pick me up in an hour. Thank you.
(growling)
(roaring)
Back, foul demon.
Azarath metrion zinth...
Raven, emergency! No time to explain!
Come on, get the car! We gotta go!
(engine revving)
(clucking)
Guys, emergency! No time to explain!
Come on, get the car! We gotta go!
Guys, emergency! Car, go, now!
Guys... (chuckling nervously)
Emergency.
Oh, yeah? So, what's the big emergency, robin?
Everything's half off at the dollar store!
Man, all week you've been bumming rides for stupid stuff.
You know you messed up my weekly backup, right?
You're lucky I didn't lose any important data.
I must agree with cyborg. It is most irritating.
Thank you.
(optical sensor beeping)
Who's that orange girl?
(electricity crackling)
Why can't you just drive yourself, dude?
Uh...My... (clears throat)
My license was suspended.
-What? -(nervously) yeah.
I was in a little fender bender.
No, no, no, no. You don't need to come down.
It's just a scratch.
(explosion)
So, you destroyed the batmobile.
(laughing)
-You did not. -(cyborg sighs)
-Ah, you in trouble. -(laughs)
It is enjoyable to laugh at someone else's misfortune.
Anyways, I found a guy on the internet.
He says he'll get my license back, no problemo.
Sounds kinda sketchy, robin.
It's on the level.
Besides, how can I not pass?
I am a master driver.
(tires screeching)
Well, this is where the driving instructor told me to meet.
"get in. Start engine."
Okay.
(engine starts)
(changing radio stations)
(hip hop music playing)
(alarm blaring)
(hip hop music continues)
-(turns off radio) -(alarm blaring in distance)
My name is ed. I'll be your driving instructor.
Ed, as in "driver's ed"? (chuckling)
Just ed.
The way this works is that every time you fail to comply
With an instruction, I make a deduction.
Too many deductions, you fail.
Hey, what's that noise? Is that...
Pull out into traffic and proceed through the intersection.
-But what about the... -And that's a deduction.
(sighs) okay. Right, right. I'm going.
(gun firing)
-I swear, that sounds like... -Eyes front.
-Sorry. -That's a deduction.
Left here.
(tires screeching)
No signal, another deduction.
Oh, man.
(police siren approaching)
Increase your speed.
If you say so.
Now turn right.
(tires screeching)
-Are you sure? -Deduction.
Left.
Ed: Deduction, hard right.
(police sirens wailing)
Turn right.
-But there's no... -Two deductions.
Hard right.
(police sirens wailing)
-I think we're finished here. -(panting)
So, how did I do?
So, you failed your driver's test?
(laughing)
Cyborg: Whoo! (sighs)
Master driver, huh?
(scoffs)
(chuckling)
Laughing at your shortcomings makes us all feel better about ourselves.
(giggles)
(sighs) it is okay, robin.
A lot of people fail the test of driving.
Will someone please tell me who that strange woman is?
Look, I'm a great driver.
I'm just not a great test-taker.
L, r, alligator and blurry spot.
The good thing is I can keep re-taking the test
Until I pass.
And I will pass.
Because I am a master driver.
He is gonna fail, isn't he?
Big time.
(alarm blaring)
(gun firing)
So, last time I think you freaked me out a little, but now I'm ready.
-(gun shots) -did you hear that?
-It sounds like... -That's going to be a...
Okay, okay. No deductions.
(police sirens wailing)
-This music is terrible. -(changing radio stations)
-(classical music playing) -that's a deduction.
(crashing)
Only three seconds in the air, deduction.
(door dings)
I asked you to turn down the cereal aisle.
I know, that's a deduction.
(benny hill theme playing)
(crashing)
(door dings)
Meet me for a re-take in front of the casino.
(gun firing)
Ed: By the money factory.
(gun firing)
Ed: At the end of the rainbow.
(gun firing)
How about you just tell me who you are?
We went to school together, right?
You look a lot like my cousin.
Did we eat at the same restaurant the other night?
Hey, is that robin?
Huh. He's supposed to be meeting his driver's ed instructor.
I don't know why he's in front of a jewelry store.
(alarm blaring)
(tires screeching)
(gun firing)
Looks like it's because he is the getaway driver.
Surely robin is not aware he is aiding and abetting a criminal.
Well, that's why we've got to warn him, whoever you are.
(electricity crackling)
(car honking)
What are they doing here?
Oh, they're here to laugh at me.
"no superpowers and can't drive,"
I bet that's what they're saying.
I'll show them.
Make a right here.
Stow it, ed.
I've got this one.
(tires screeching)
(crashing)
(thumping)
Nice driving, cyborg.
(electricity crackling)
Hey, when did starfire get here?
(panting)
(gulping)
You pass.
Yes!
But only because I never want you
As a getaway driver again.
I was using you the whole time and you couldn't see it.
Nope, I knew.
That's why I'm not warning you about the demon.
(screaming)
That's right. Master driver.
(fireworks sparkling)
(door hissing)
Oh.
(glass shattering)
Have you witnessed raven's mood?
It appears to be un-good.
Yeah, she's been like that for the last few days.
Shh. Here she comes.
Okay, raven, what's bugging you,
You know, uh, more than usual?
-(shock crackling) -(screaming)
Don't wanna talk about it.
Come on, sing, little birdie.
(thud)
(in demonic voice) I said I don't want to talk about it.
And I can totally respect that.
-Raven? -Fine.
I'll tell you.
My father is coming here for a visit.
(confused) oh, no?
You don't understand.
He's not your typical dad.
I can relate. I mean, I am half robot, after all.
Catch, daddy, catch.
(clanging)
It's just...
I had a lot of issues growing up.
Who had childhood issues, ahem?
Excuse me, but are you my mother?
-(trumpeting) -okay.
Okay, thanks anyway.
-Uh, are you my mother? -(grunting)
Are you my mother?
(all quacking) are you my mother?
Look, my father, trigon, is...
All: Trigon?
Trigon.
-Devourer of a million souls. -(spirits screaming)
Conqueror of countless worlds.
Trigon is one of the most powerful beings in the entire universe.
He is your father?
Yep, my dad is literally a demon
Who feeds off the suffering of others.
(sighs) especially me.
(banging on door)
Behold trigon,
Master of the dark,
Destroyer of dimensions,
Enslaver of civilizations.
Enough with the resume, dad.
(applauding)
Hi, I'm raven's father.
You must be cyborg.
Is that an upgraded optical sensor?
Uh, yeah. Thanks for noticing,
All powerful trigon, sir.
(audience laughing)
Greetings, I am starfire,
Your daughter's best female friend within the teen titans.
Young lady, these pale in comparison to your beauty.
Audience: Aw.
And the party animal himself, beast boy.
-(audience applauding) -guilty.
No introduction needed, boy wonder.
The honor is mine.
How is your back?
It's fine. Why?
Thought it might be sore from carrying batman all these years.
-(laughs) -(audience laughing)
(laughs) ahhh!
Why are you here, dad?
To see my only daughter and her friends, of course.
And now you have.
Goodbye.
Raven.
That was harsh, man, even for her.
Yeah, I mean, her dad didn't seem that bad.
There's something called knocking, dad.
This place is a pigsty.
How do you live like this?
(whirring)
So I was thinking, maybe tonight we can
Take your friends for some pizza.
My treat.
Not interested.
-You know... -(loud banging)
I wish you could at least pretend to be happy to see your dad.
How could I when I know the real reason you're here
Is to lecture me about not living up to my potential?
When you said you wanted to be a hero,
Did I stop you?
No.
I figured it would be great for you to save some lives
And get it out of your system.
But let's face it, you're wasting your powers here, raven.
When I was your age...
Oh, here it comes.
I had already enslaved my first dimension.
When was the last time you even tried
To torment a species for no reason, huh?
Huh, huh?
I didn't ask to be a demon spawn, you know.
So just leave me alone.
(sighs) where did I go wrong?
Raven's not much of a conversationalist, is she?
Hmm, we don't exactly see eye-to-eye-to-eye.
Yeah, I irritate the snot out of her, too.
She must have a thing against powerful men, you know?
I mean, who wouldn't want a father
Who could grant any power?
Whoa. Did you say, "any power"?
Seriously, you have no idea what a wiener my dad can be.
Dude, you got it twisted.
Your old man's straight up the bomb.
Why are you talking like that?
How are you talking like that?
Beast boy: Your dad gave her the power to speak like an earth teen.
(spraying) ah!
And he gave me the power to turn into anything I want.
Look.
And yet you choose to be a bean bag.
Now I can veg out on myself.
(laughs)
(dialing) lol.
Whoo!
What's up, rave?
My dad's got princess starry-eyes and the beast brain
Thinking he's the greatest thing since toilet paper.
Glad you and robin aren't so gullible.
Where is robin anyway?
(thudding footsteps)
Robin: Notice anything different, raven?
You're twitching.
Yep, pretty awesome, huh?
(growling)
(shattering)
What, you didn't want a power from my dad?
Of course I did.
He gave me a dog for a hand.
(laughing) quit it! Quit it!
I love you so much, dog-hand.
-I just...Love you so much. -(squeaking)
Ugh, he got to you too, silkie?
What's the haps, players?
You need to stop talking.
Haters gonna hate.
Raven, you've got trigon all wrong. He's a great dad.
Straight-up, awesome!
Holla!
His breath smells like a fireplace.
What is wrong with you guys?
What's wrong with you?
Trigon said that you could have been
Granting powers for us all along.
-(dog snarling) -easy, boy. Easy.
Instead of fighting your dad, maybe you should try to be more like him.
(grunting)
(sighs) you're right.
It's time I became the daughter my dad always wanted me to be.
(wind whistling)
After thinking about what you said, dad,
I'm ready to embrace my inner demon.
That's my little tyrant.
Just three easy steps.
First, draw your power from the terror
Of every earth-child's nightmares.
Easy-cheesy, rave, you can do it.
(barks)
(maniacal laughter)
Now, focus that power,
And open an inter-dimensional portal.
-(applauding) -way to go, raven.
Bravo.
I'm so proud.
The only thing left to do is kill all your friends.
Kill us, kill us. You can, like, totally do it.
Yeah. Wait, what?
I'd like to first make an example out of one.
I suggest beast boy.
To force the others to swear their allegiance,
Then eradicate them anyway.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, not cool.
(snarling)
Nothing personal.
Just the last step in becoming truly demonic.
Go ahead and annihilate them, dear.
Then we can get ice cream to celebrate.
So, still want me to be...
(in demonic voice) more like him?
(demonic screeching)
All: No. Uh-uh.
That's what I thought.
Sorry, dad. Looks like I'm going to flunk out of demon school.
You've brought weakness upon the legend of trigon.
After I revoke your dark powers,
Then I will destroy your friends.
What do you know,
Raven was right all along.
You are a major wiener.
(electricity crackling)
And how are you going to defeat
The most powerful being in the universe?
By using the powers you gave us.
Titans, go!
(exhaling)
(titans crashing)
(groaning)
(snarling)
(groaning)
Whatever.
(trigon groaning)
(whimpers)
He's gone for now.
But he'll be back,
Probably for thanksgiving.
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)